We all love a nice compliment, don’t we? The ones about outfits, hair, or new earrings do make you smile. But lately I’ve been thinking — the compliments that really stick are ones not tied to how I look.
I recently got a sweet one from our dog-sitter that prompted me to remember a few others. Compliments about appearance are lovely. But if we look deeper, we see there are moments when someone said something that touched more than just the surface. Worthiness isn’t just skin-deep.
Why Non-Physical Compliments Mean So Much
Compliments about how someone looks, color of hair, or weight are common. Sometimes they feel like shorthand, easy to say. But automatic praise for appearance can unintentionally tie someone’s value to how they look, which isn’t always fair — especially if changes in appearance come from things beyond their control.
Over the years, I’ve had experiences where comments about my weight or looks were well-meaning, but the backstory made them complex. I had a time of losing a lot of weight (not because I wanted to, but because of life) while the world was watching. Hearing “you look great” then felt awkward, even painful. Sometimes, what someone says lingers in a way that reminds you not to reduce people (including yourself) to “before/after” looks.
Compliments That Actually Stayed With Me
Here are some of my favorites — compliments I still remember, because they were about what I did, who I am, or how I showed up. Not about what I looked like.
- Dog-parenting praise
Someone said to me: “She’s so lucky to have you and Keith.” This came from our dog-sitter, talking about our greyhound, Suki. She knew Suki from rescue, before she joined our family, and calling me a good “parent” to her made me proud — not because of how I looked, but because of love, compassion, acceptance. - Helpfulness to my mom
My mom once said, “What would I do without you…” after I’d helped with so many small (and big) tasks: driving her to appointments, doing chores, running errands, being around. It wasn’t about looks — it was gratitude for being there, for caring, for making life a bit easier. - Professional validation during insecurity
Years ago I filmed a big commercial, feeling totally out of place and full of doubt. Then the director said, “You were so good — the advert is going to be great.” Hearing that? Mind-blowing. Because I had felt like I’d fail. That compliment was about performance, presence, strength. It reminded me that even when you feel small, you might be doing important work well. - “Best sense of humour” from someone I barely knew
I remember being at a bar, chatting with a friend of a friend, cracking jokes. Then they said, “You honestly have the best sense of humour, I love how funny you are.” It wasn’t about a dress or hair or body. It was about making connection, about joy. - Driving skills you didn’t expect
Once there was a near‐miss while driving, where I avoided a serious accident. My sister, a passenger, said afterward: “You should’ve seen how she handled it — talk about skill.” In a split second I got through danger. That compliment felt huge. It wasn’t about anything superficial — just seeing calm, competence, presence. - Inspiring people to dress as they want
Over time I’ve heard many readers say something like: “You gave me permission to wear what I want.” That means the world. It’s not about what I wear; it’s about attitude, about confidence, about permission to express ourselves without worrying who’s watching. That kind of feedback has stayed with me — because it changes how people treat themselves.
What Compliments We Could Give More Of
- Praise kindness, generosity, resilience.
- Recognize help and support someone gives.
- Notice progress, courage, being true to themselves.
- Celebrate their voice, their humor, their ability to listen.
These compliments matter more than we often realize. They affirm the person behind the appearance.
Final Thought
Every time someone tells me one of these heartfelt compliments, I feel seen — not for how I look, but for who I am, what I do, and the effort I put in. Those are the compliments that build more confidence, that stay with you long after outfits change.
If you think about compliments you’ve given (or received), which ones do you remember most? The ones that weren’t about your appearance often touch deeper.
