Perimenopause Brain Fog: 8 New Words I’ve Invented for Everyday Things

You know the drill: you’re standing in front of something, completely blanking on what it’s called, and all you can do is frantically point at it, like, “That! That thing! The, uh, drink-bucket! Please, I need THAT!” And your partner, bless them, just looks at you like they’ve landed in a completely foreign country.

Translation: “Hey, could you pass me my mug, please? Thanks, I appreciate it!”

To all the partners of perimenopausal women out there, I salute you. If you’ve managed to crack the code of this bizarre language I’ve developed over the past year or so, you are officially a Master of Menopause Management. An MMM. A true Eminem-enem (if you know, you know).

My husband, Keith, hasn’t quite mastered this new language of mine yet. And honestly, even I don’t fully understand it. It’s a language I created, but even I get lost in it!

I’m pretty sure this language came about because half my vocabulary went missing somewhere after I turned 50. It’s like the word “oven” just packed its bags and vanished one day. (It’s gone, and I have no idea where.)

Quick Disclaimer: This post is all in good humor, but let’s be clear—brain fog during perimenopause is no joke. It’s real, it’s frustrating, and it can be seriously debilitating. Add in the stress of juggling careers, kids, aging parents, health issues, and relationships, and brain fog is the last thing we need.

If you’re struggling with brain fog, make sure to see your doctor. It’s worth getting a second opinion or asking for more information. You’re not just imagining things. (Pro-tip: check out Menopausing by Davina McCall and The Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause by Dr. Louise Newson—they’re both amazing resources.)

But let’s be honest… sometimes, laughter is the best way to deal with it. So, here are 8 new words I’ve invented for everyday things. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had this brain fog moment, so here’s my humorous take on it.

8 New Words I’ve Created for Everyday Things

1. Heating Box
   • AKA: The Oven
     Simple, right? Nope. My brain refuses to remember “oven,” and now it’s the “heating box.” It’s like my brain just refuses to work with tiny words. Maybe it’s the menopause trying to free up space for the important things. Like cake. Or naps.
2. Drink Bucket
   • AKA: A Mug
     Okay, this one’s growing on me. Who needs a little mug when you can have a bucket? It sounds more dramatic, more important, and to be honest, my mugs could use a bit more gravitas. From now on, I’ll ask for my “drink bucket” of tea, please.
3. Hot Washing Plate Machine
   • AKA: The Dishwasher
     This one’s a bit of a stretch, but it gets the job done. It’s technically accurate: it washes plates and it gets hot. So why not? Also, the word “dishwasher” has started feeling way too easy, so I thought I’d add a little more mystery.
4. Big Green Sprouty Leaf Sticks
   • AKA: Trees
     Who has time for just one word when you can turn “tree” into a full-on description? Why stop at “tree” when you can add “big green sprouty leaf sticks”? It’s like my brain just needs the extra effort.
5. Foot Clothes
   • AKA: Socks
     This one’s quite literally a translation job, isn’t it? I’m not sure what’s more confusing: me forgetting the word “socks” or realizing that the German language describes things exactly this way. (Handschuhe = hand shoes, anyone?) Honestly, I’m just trying to make my brain feel like it’s still working.
6. Hot Sleeping Cover
   • AKA: The Bedspread
     I think this one happened while making the bed (or maybe not making the bed, because that’s something I tend to forget). Either way, “hot sleeping cover” was what I came up with in the heat of the moment. It’s accurate, it’s functional, and I’m sticking with it.
7. Air Dry Blower
   • AKA: The Fan
     “Fan” is such a tiny word. My brain refuses to hold onto tiny words now, apparently. “Air dry blower” just feels more… elaborate. And I’m all about elaboration these days. Makes things sound fancier, right?
8. Taking Off Chemical Liquid Stuff
   • AKA: Nail Polish Remover
     Now this one is a classic case of perimenopausal brain fog. “Nail polish remover” is too much to process, so it just becomes “taking off chemical liquid stuff.” If it makes sense to me, it makes sense, right? Probably not. But it’s easier than trying to remember all that other stuff.

Your Turn: Have You Got Your Own Menopause Vocabulary?

So, I’m curious—what words have you come up with for everyday things? Do you also struggle with perimenopausal brain fog? Share your “new” vocabulary with me in the comments below. I could use some new inspiration for my next round of creative word-making!